Sunday, June 19, 2016

Life in a nutshell

It will be three years come July 7 when I lost the person I most cherished in my life, my Mum.

It was on June 22 that I actually lost her as she slipped into a coma, never came out of it and went on to meet her maker at 10.04 on July 7 with me standing haplessly at her bedside.

That 30 minutes preceding to her demise was the only time I was with her alone at the hospital as in all past occasions I was in the company of other family members.

I can still remember the words of the nurse who walked up to me as I was typing on the key board of my laptop the match report for the World Hockey League Semi Finals held in Johor Baru.

As I walked in to the CCU, I saw the machines shutting down one by one as the blood pressure dropped and her heart stopped, all within 8 minutes. She went peacefully with me clutching her hands as tears streamed down my cheeks, as they are now while I pen this sitting on her bed in Tampin.

The whole world crumbled on me and it was that day I realised that we are nothing but just a breath away from death, miss one breath and we are just a memory.

Life has been extremely unkind to me since my Mum went, the pillar of my strength no more around for me to lean on, I had no one to lean on, no one to confide in and most importantly no one to love.

It left at devastating mark on me emotionally, something that I have never managed to overcome till today.

Many may see me as having overcome the loss, but only I know how I have faked happiness over the past three years. Never have I felt so alone over these years as I do today.

A year after I lost my Mum I was told I had diabetes and lost my small toe on April 2014. That led to numerous visits to the operation Theatres, a total of 4 overs two month period.

Losing my toe was it a shirting as losing all my jobs, especially in Hockey as vultures moved in to make the kill. I was left with nothing and struggled.

And a year later more woes as Doctors told me on April 22,2015 that my kidneys were no longer functioning to their ability and I had to start dialysis.

My world crumbled, the pain and suffering unbearable but I had to live for I had to care for my Dad. I had promised my Mum on her deathbed as I whispered for her that it was okay for her to go and meet her meet her maker as I would look after Dad.

That was not the end of my problems as I later started losing vision on my eyes and in September 2015  I underwent my first cornea transplant Abd it followed by another in April this year,

The vision was returning but alas my diabetes caused bleeding 

behind my eyes and I had yo have injections into both my eyes that cost a bomb.

How could I carry on? Here I am jobless for the past two years,hardly earning a cent and surviving through the goodwill of friends not family.

I tried to get jobs, tried to secure things I could do, which is media services but time and again was played out by those who I sled friends in the past. These people are not worthy as friends as they merely are vultures that fly above, waiting to devour your flesh as you lay without any hope.

I am grateful to the former juniors of 199--1993 who got together to help me financially, helping me raise money which was used for my dialysis costs and cornea transplants. I also withdrew my EPF to help me through these tough times.

There have been individuals who helped me both financially and emotionally cope over the past two years as my family drifted away as today I am all alone, only my Dad to call family as my siblings, nephews and nieces all moved away, who wants to be associated with the "walking dead".

As I undergo dialysis three times a week, I watch others in the same boat as me, how they have their loved ones pick them up or spend the four hours sitting beside them sharing conversations and do forth as I sit on my chakras if condemned by God and society.

To my detractors, I ask you to do one thing, spend five hours sitting on a chair doing nothing. Try it and see if you can last one session. I do this 3 times a week Abd every Friday I do my dialysis at 6am so I can take the noon train to Tampin.

I have tried, pleased and begged for a job to fend for myself but Toño avail, so many influential persons in my life in the past but none lift a finger to help me as I have served my purpose to them, they got what they wanted so I am now a liability.

As I go through the days, hoping and praying silently that God ends this misery of mine so I can be reunited with Mum, I am reminded that my 84 year old Dad still needs me, that I made a vow to my Mum on that fateful day of July 7.

Over the past six months I have been promised jobs to do but it was just a way for these people yo further exploit me. Some used me over the years to get to where they are, some continue to do so, some wills entirely do the same.

I am fortunate in a way that after undergoing 12 operations in two years, I have a handful of people who are true friends, as they contact me regularly, keeping me sane with their encouragement and words of advice. I shall not name them as they know who they are, the same as those who know that mere words of theirs have caused me more pain.

So where now from here!

Well my life is razor thin, when money runs out so does dialysis and with that death comes knocking, maybe that's the best solution as many will be elated with that,

I have put off eye injections for its just money I do not have and have told myself that if I cannot earn it then do not spend it, so injections will wait till I get some jobs or turn blind, which ever comes first.

Look at the bright side though - at least I will no longer see the wickedness of this world.

To those who have promised to help or put sand in my rice owl, I beg God"s mercy for you as I pray that you do not undergo what I went through , that God gives you a chance to make good what you have done wrong,

As I wail in silence three years after losing my Mum, I want all to realise that we are what we are because of our parents. Love and cherish them as Long as we are fortunate to have them around, for we owe it to them to give them the best we can.

Happy Fathers Day to all and please take care.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Oceania Tour - Kim Swee shares his thoughts

The National Football team departs for their Oceania Tour tonight and will play three matches against Papua New Guinea, New Caledonia and Fiji.

The team of 24 players will be initially based in Brisbane and have it all to prove to Malaysian Football critics that they are on the path of redemption.

Below is the thoughts of coach Dato Ong Kim Swee on what the aim of the tour, the targets, the opponents and what he hopes to achieve with the squad in their build up to the AFF Cup in November.

  The National Team will be leaving for the Oceania Tour tonight.

Having successfully negotiated our way past Timor Leste, we will next play three matches during our trip to Down Under.

The team will hold training sessions in Brisbane before the play against Papua New Guinea - 193 , New Caledonia  and 183, Fiji - 186.

Malaysia will play Papua New Guinea next Friday, New Caledonia on June 22 and Fiji on June 26.

And the three nations are well prepared to play Malaysia after having completed their participation in the Oceania Nations Cup where 

Papua New Guinea made the final while Fiji were edged out  1-0 by New Zealand and one must also remember that  Fiji have also qualified for the Rio Olympics.

These three teams should rightfully have higher rankings but for their lack of international matches due to their geographical location.

During the 20 day tour I hope to work on rectifying several areas that we lacked in the two matches against Timor Leste.

Upfront on my mind is to build up team work as we had very little time to do that.

Cohesion ,tactical discipline, fitness and  creativity is something that I will be emphasising on during the training sessions.

And not forgetting finishing as well as Defence for although we have shown marked improvement it is still not up to the mark required in International matches.

Though some may say we are up against three nations that do not have much success in international Football, we wil treat every team with respect.

Our aim is not only to win the three matches but improve our ability with regards to midfield and strikers but also this will put our Defence under severe scrutiny as we will be up against physically stronger opponents.

I aim to give all players the opportunity to prove their worth and no player is guaranteed his place in the team.

I will also be trying out players in different positions to analyse their versatility as well as have more options from the team perspective.

The door is not closed on players who have not made the squad this time around and the coaching staff will continue to monitor matches in the M-League.

Let's hope that our aims and objectives are achieved and at the sane time appeal to the media, fans and all those involved in Malaysian Football to work together for the success of the team. 

The venue for the three matches are Port Moresby, Noumea and Suva respectively.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Trashed by Japan!

No amount of excuses can justify Malaysia's 5-1 defeat at the hands of Japan in their first friendly match.

The fact that Japan raced to a 5-0 lead before Malaysia pulled one back shows that the hosts treated the series of matches against their higher ranked opponents more seriously then Malaysia  who obviously thought that this was just another friendly.

Which brings me back to a conversation I had with a former international last week who chided the national Football team for giving too much respect to Timor Leste prior to the matches. The exact words were " we should talk about hammering them."

My word of caution then was that things have changed, and there is no such thing as a pushover team anymore.

In return I asked him what if Malaysia was to lose to Japan in Hockey, he retorted rightfully " stop talking rubbish."

But the inevitable has happened and I would like to see his face at the next Hockey Senate Meeting in a weeks time.

Coming back to this defeat, there were a litany of excuses offered by the coach - from the fact that they tried players out  of position, had several players missing from the team and so forth.

But the bottom line is we had no business losing by such a margin. Defeat is acceptable but a trashing should never be be condoned.

True one might say that this is a one off thing that might occur but  our image has been tarnished by minnows of world Hockey.

Remember that Japan is hosting the 2020 Olympics and the new regime has time and again reminded us that hockey will make it to that Olympics.

But with such results we can only fear the worst.

I am a firm believer that we cannot be expected to win each time we take the field, for if that was the case we would be World Champs.

But being trashed by Japan? How on earth can i stand up to those highly paid foreigners who omitted Hockey from the Podium Program and tell them to " stick it up their rear" for that ludicrous decision if we lose or rather get trashed by Japan!

The sooner some that occupy the seats of the throne realise that a collective effort is required to make Hockey great again, in the words of Republican presidential designate candidate Donald Trump, the better we will get.

Wake up before another bomb is dropped on us in Japan.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

MHL - July 1 Deadline

Entries have been invited for the Malaysian Hockey League for the 2016 season.

The calling of entries was sent out by MHC on Jume 6 for interested teams to participate in the Men's Premier Division, Men's First Division and the Women's League.

Entries will close on July 1 with the competition set to begin on August 5 with the scheduled date of completion being September 25.

"We hope that the teams will adhere to the deadline with regards to the closing of entries and registration of players," said George Koshy the Chairman of MHC Competitions Committee.

" Ample notice has been given to the teams and I hope there will not be cases of teams appealing after the closing date is over."

One significant change in the Premier Division is with regards to the fielding of national players.

A team can register any number of national players but only eight can take the field at any given time.

The definition of Nstional player is also inclusive of foreign players of which only six can be registered.

" Wehooe yo have at least eight teams in the Premier League,"added Koshy.